And there yah HAVE IT!!!!
Aug 16, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCvX8wyJDBE

good afternoon you guys and welcome back
to my channel today is Friday I cannot
believe it is already Friday but in our
household Friday is just our Monday
because all he goes back to his work on
Fridays Wednesdays and Thursdays are his
days off so those are our weekends but
it was a great couple of days that he
had off it was nice it's nice getting
into another routine a new routine at
that but just a routine of getting used
to him leaving and going to work and
being gone for a multiple amount of
hours and working on getting the house
cleaned up and caught up on things it's
been nice and I love it I absolutely
love our dynamic that we're doing now I
love being able to you know cook the
dinners and make sure things are being
done correctly and you know making sure
laundry is done for him when he comes
him and you know he doesn't expect me to
do all these things but I want to do
these things because this is what I have
dreamed up since I was little is to be
that mom and that wife that I have
dinners cooked and the house cleaned and
you know all those things right now my
house looks like a very very hot mess
I'm talking hot mess hot mess Express
because well let's just say it my kids
have been playing today and I have been
editing and trying to get this filmed
earlier
Sebastian decided to choke and so I had
skunk puke all over me if it's not kid
Pookie it's gonna be a skunk
so got him squared away now he's resting
I don't know what was going on but he
must have just got a cat food pebbles
stuck in his throat or something I don't
know but yeah let's just say I got it
fixed and yeah so just doin stuff around
the house I'm just gonna start some
laundry and I'm feeding the kids and
then we're gonna start cleaning up toys
because while my kids have had a field
day this morning with toys and it's time
to start cleaning anyways but I wanted
to just check in with you guys because I
really haven't done a sat down video for
a while and kind of go down I'm sorry if
you can hear there the yard people are
out working not at my yard but at the
neighbor's yard they're cutting a tree
down I think so we've had lots of
grinding noises going on over there this
morning and this afternoon but anyways
so let's see what all has been going on
as you've seen I've been uploading
videos different types of videos I've
been hit up by some companies to do
reviews on some of their items which has
been very exciting I love to know that
my name is getting out there my channels
getting out there and people are seeing
me and wanting to invest their product
and time into me and that makes me
honored to be able to do those things so
with that I've been bringing those
videos to you guys also bringing you
guys some of my workout videos cookie
videos as I do them clean up videos when
I can and you know I think that's kind
of where my dynamics of my my where my
channels at right now where it's gonna
kind of stay at this point I don't want
it to be any one given thing because I
think with a journey I think it's
everything and because my dynamic of
family has changed routinely and
positioned I think that with that shows
the changes with my channel as well so I
just like to kind of check in with you
guys and tag you guys along with
anything that I'm doing and that way you
guys can kind of see what it is that I'm
going through for the day or however
what's ever happening so you know one of
the comments that I seen a couple
comments I seen were people asking why I
sit while I'm doing my cooking videos
and to explain that is kind of a
roundabout along with my workout videos
is I have been dealing with some major
major back issues the last few months
it's been bad but the last couple of
weeks it's been horrible the best way to
describe it I feel like my spine is
crushing into each other I feel like
it's going to collapse I know that I had
an MRI in it
x-ray a few months ago and my doctor
determined that I have deteriorating
discs in my lower back
and I'm sure that that's probably where
the does the you know the discomforts
coming from however you can only take so
much pain meds before your liver and
your stomach's just like I can't handle
any more and I refuse to take narcotics
because I can't have you know I can't my
brain can't be altered in any general
way or my body when I am the sole care
provider for two preschoolers that
totally depend on me to take care of
them
and if I'm laid up because I took
narcotics that's not a safe call so for
that I don't take any type of narcotic
I only take ibuprofen 600 milligrams as
needed prescribed by the doctor and then
I also can take tylenol and really it
doesn't do any good it doesn't even
touch the pain so therefore I haven't
even been taking that because it just
doesn't do anything for me
I do heat compresses I do cool
compresses still it's I nothing is
relieving the pain absolutely nothing
goodness can you guys be any louder out
there go figure
so they're right by my window probably
can see him if I turn my
I don't know if you can see on the right
all right there you can't see them okay
you don't have to eat a money just put
it right there
so anyways that is why I've been having
to sit while doing my cooking videos
because whenever I can sit to release
the pain on my back and my legs that's
what I have to do because as soon as my
back starts to stiffen up and act up my
legs want to stop working just as much
as my back and that can become a big big
messy mess if I was to be cooking and I
fall with a hot skillet or you know god
forbid something happens it's not a safe
situation it will hurt so bad that I
will start trembling I will start
sweating my trip being sweat because of
the pain to the point where I just want
to start crying because it hurts so bad
so I sit down because of that but when
I'm cleaning like of course the living
room or you know other parts of the
house I have to stand and do those
things because I can't will my chair
around and I still want to be up and I
still want to be standing the best I can
but if I start to feel like I've got to
sit down I will sit down because I don't
want to fall or get hurt because my legs
give out on me
same with my seen with my workout it's
the same thing I have a lot of people
comment why don't you walk around your
neighborhood neighborhood versus staying
in and doing workouts in the house
because your walking would be better and
it would I agree with you 100% but at
the same time right now with what I am
dealing with with my back it's again not
a safe situation for me - sorry I don't
know mean to keep looking but it
wouldn't be a safe situation for me to
go walking and my back to start wanting
to give up I'm with the kids I'm stuck I
don't know what to do my legs stop
working on me because my back's hurting
and again I could fall and have nobody
to help me I could fall and get very
hurt just lots of things and and I would
rather save the situation rather than
set myself up and get myself hurt so I
choose to stay inside my home and do my
workout and again also because my chair
is close by I could sit down if need be
because there are days that I have to do
my workout sitting down because my back
is just not at a point that day that I
can really strengthen lay stand up and
do my my workout let's see what else so
that kind of fills you in why I've been
sitting down whether it be through my
workouts or my cooking videos
sorry my phone decided to go to sleep on
me but it ended up dying it was like
you're not feeding me anyways but I feel
like kind of I'm at a position where I
fill when I record now I'm having to
constantly explain I feel like I'm
having to you know truly almost ask
permission of my channel to do certain
things because I feel as if now that my
family and I had came on my channel and
explained our issue that we were facing
and people stepped up and helped
I feel like now and it's usually the
ones that did not help are the ones that
I noticed most of the comments but make
the comments of Oh while you were broke
so how could you do this oh you were
broke so how could you do this you know
using you know going into explanation of
you know when I did you know I went
grocery shopping and I showed what I had
gotten from the groceries you know
somebody was like well you were broke
how could you go to the grocery store
like really how I have to feed my family
I have to feed my kids like what do you
expect and they said well you can live
off of a garden you could if you had one
but I don't have one and I don't have a
yard to do one I can't dig up my yard
because this isn't my home so therefore
I can't go and live off of a garden
garden okay that's just sorry it's it's
it's that's what it is
you know and I feel like you know I'm
not allowed to go to the store and buy
shampoo or buy body soap because people
are going to judge me or they're gonna
accuse me of being you know shopping and
it's like but Amy enough is enough you
know and and so you know I just wanted
to say this and put this out there that
I understand that we were in a very
tight spot in our life at one point and
I let you guys in on that because I felt
that me sharing my story would allow
also others to know that they are not
alone that there are people out there
that are financially struggling all over
the world and that you may feel like
you're the only one struggling but you
really really aren't that there are so
many out there and don't feel alone but
I feel like in sharing that and being
honest with people
I feel like now there are some that are
using that for their own control and I
don't agree with that you know I don't
feel that we owe an explanation for
absolutely every step that we take in
our life now you know did we learn some
major major lessons during this time
absolutely we've learned that you know
budget is the number one key having
money in the savings account is a
number-one backup
you know and I think that that part
comes with going through something like
we did to learn what those things are
you know I felt like I absolutely had to
come on and make it very clear that I
was the one that did my nails that I
didn't go to a salon and get my nails
done however there were still people
insisting that I went to go get my nails
done and as long because they look like
Nell salon Nels like they're good enough
to be Nelson Elle's which I take as a
very big compliment but I did do them
myself and I'm prepared to do them
today later I'm gonna change the color
of them but I I feel like I have to be
three steps ahead to explain my steps so
that nobody accuses us of you know
faking lying scamming whatever you know
the new the new word is for the day and
I don't feel I should have to constantly
live in that that era you know I told
ollie a couple days ago I said you know
I feel like there's something missing
like I I walk in my days feeling like
there's something just not right like I
feel like I'm not allowed to be happy
yet I feel like I'm not allowed to feel
like we're gonna be okay yet because so
many people have made me feel like I
have to constantly still walk the road
of what we were in a few months ago or a
month and a half ago and he said Amy
don't he's like you be you you know we
were at a dark spot for a very short
amount of time because we don't have
time to just sit and Whittle in it and
we are getting our feet back on the
ground we're starting to feel solid
ground again and two or three days ago I
can honestly say was the first time that
I honestly felt like I could actually be
happy again and that when I leave the
house I don't have to feel so guilty not
that I was leaving the house to spend
money but just even to leave the house
to go and do my grocery shopping I felt
so guilty like I shouldn't be allowed to
go grocery shopping and that's not fair
I shouldn't have to feel that I should
be able to go do my grocery shopping I
should be able to go and do the things
that I need to do and not feel like I'm
not allowed to because people dictate
what I'm allowed to do now because we
shared that we were in a dark spot for a
very short amount of time
so I just want to put that out there
that I don't want to have to feel like
I'm constantly having to you know
Oh explanations for absolutely
everything that we're doing in life
I don't think that that would be fair so
you know I don't want this to be like a
Debbie Downer video but I also want this
video to share with you guys where I'm
at you know and where I don't want to
continue to be that I want these things
to change because I want to live my life
back to where I was at one time which is
living my life happy and free you know
do am I saying freeze and go and spend
money where it doesn't need to be spent
absolutely not but just like last night
I had to go and buy a fan off of Amazon
because my fan broke and the film that I
use is the fan I have to have at
nighttime when I sleep because it's what
gives me extra oxygen if I don't sleep
with my fan in my face then when I wake
up in the mornings I wake up with
excruciating headaches pounding
headaches at that because of the lack of
oxygen and so I actually had to go and
buy $14 faaaan off of Amazon it's the
same one I've had before and I felt
guilty I felt like I shouldn't be doing
that
and all he's like why and I'm like
because people are gonna think that I'm
spending money why should I have to
spend it and you know and he's like Amy
stop it he's like stop that's not that's
not fair you know that that's not the
way we're gonna live our life we're not
gonna live our life that way you know if
there's the necessity and something we
need to buy well we're gonna buy it you
know and that's just the way that it
goes because it's something we need so
you know but would go in and get my
nails done be something I need know and
I'm not gonna go do that you know all
he's like when I can start affording to
get you know for you to get your nails
done again I want you to go on sir
getting your nails done again I said no
like I'm no Kay not doing it because I
see where that $60 could go into a
savings account and be there for another
day when I may need something you know
and he's like that's a good way to look
at it you know he's like but I just
don't want you to feel like you're
having to sacrifice everything because
the lack of my business running and we
have to go get another job
I don't want you to be the one to suffer
and I said I am NOT suffering at all I
am very happy where I'm at in life and I
will continue to be happy where I am in
life and embrace where we're at in life
as well because it's all been such a
learning tactic for me
so anyways there's that let's see I got
the confirmation appointment for my
surgery I don't know if I said that
already or not but it's on the 28th of
August check-in is I think at 8:00 or
8:30 and it I don't know exactly when it
starts and I don't know how long we're
gonna be in there because it's to put
the ID I u D in to insert the IUD but
also they're gonna take care of some
other things while I'm under so we're
not exactly sure how long I'll be be
down for but I'll keep you guys updated
on that and let you guys know I had my
pre-op appointment a couple days ago and
I've got to go get my blood work done
this coming Wednesday cuz I can't take
the kids to the lab it's they asked for
kids not to come if they're not the ones
getting the work done I absolutely agree
so I have to wait to do that and you
know something else that's really
exciting that we've decided to do is we
have decided to adopt you know one night
a month for mine in aliso day night
we've hired somebody that will come in
and watch the kids for a couple hours so
that me and him can have one-on-one
downtime I think it's very important and
so does he you know we do not get to
connect very much with our kids so being
around their little they're very needy
right now and that's just the time day
and age of where we're at in life but we
still have to remember that we have to
put our marriage at first or we're gonna
be one of those couples that when our
kids are off in college we're gonna look
at each other and be like why are we
married because we have nothing in
common no more and I don't want that
neither does he and so it's very very
very crucial for us to also take one
night a month and take time for each
other it doesn't mean we have to go and
again you know go and waste money you
know we could go and sit up on a hill
somewhere
and you know watch this the sunset or
watch the Stars you know or whatever but
just spinning that went on one be able
to talk and you know visit for a little
bit is very very needed you know and
especially for me I'm with the kids now
24/7 I don't get a break from the kids
so for me that one time a month date
night is gonna be needed because I am
NOT gonna be getting it anywhere else
so anyways oh I'm excited for that my
birthday is coming up in a week and a
half it's on the 26 so we're not gonna
celebrate it on my birthday because he
works that night but I think we're gonna
try and celebrate it on one of his
nights off maybe go to dinner or
something but I don't know I spill I use
my birthday as just a regular day
because well let's just face it I'm
getting close to 40 and I really don't
want to face 40 40 is gonna be a big
hard number for me I can already feel it
so I'll embrace my 30s while I still
have them but anyways I'm gonna close
you guys I gotta get this house started
getting cleaned gotta get laundry
started and I gotta get this edited and
get it put up so I hope you guys are
taking care have a wonderful rest of
your day and a great weekend and I will
check in with you guys really soon talk
to you later bye bye
